Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize