who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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