Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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