I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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