Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize