Little spoons don't ask big questions
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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