I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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