My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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