she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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