I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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