My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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