i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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