Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
