i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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