I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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