all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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