yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize