she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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