going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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