The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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