i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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