It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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