Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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