New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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