Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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