Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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