im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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