Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
not ubering you a puppy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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