So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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