I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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