mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize