I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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