I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize