Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
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I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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