this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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