The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize