There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
People in love make me want to vomit
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize