My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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