using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize