i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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