the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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