Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize