The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i out mim tonsoeep
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