im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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