I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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