At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize