All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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