he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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