Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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