Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize